So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
