do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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