I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
