Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
