Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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