Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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