i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
