i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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