Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
