Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
