after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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