in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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