those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
what day is it and did you see me today?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
