just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
