Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
