Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're like the curious george of whores
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
