you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
