Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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