I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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