White coat. Heels.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize