omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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