And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
