Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
