I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
