my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
