I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
