How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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