Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
