I think i peed on brittanys purse
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
