She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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