Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
