Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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