he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The power of my boobs compel you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
