Got a toothbrush?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Bring me that man meat
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
