She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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