He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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