Jerry, you need to find god
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
