Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize