well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
