Can i not drive my cunt home
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
