I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
