I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
