I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
