in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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