I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
