we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
