he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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