How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
