i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
