Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize