gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
