I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
