Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
