My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize