I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
