every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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