I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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