You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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