yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
