I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
