I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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