I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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