U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
