Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
