With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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