Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize