i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
