dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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