i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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