it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
