Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
