i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
