maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
