dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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