Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
